Sunday, October 01, 2006

No Dinner, "Just Deserts" for Albert Haynesworth

For the record, I'm neither a Dallas Cowboy or Tennessee Titan fan. I was watching the game, more to see how well Vince Young did in his first professional start at quarterback for Tennessee.

That being said, I haven't been so insensed by a sporting event since the Russians stole the Olympic Gold Medal in basketball from the United States and Henry Iba back in 1972. Seeing Titan defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth pull off the helmet of Cowboy center Andre Gurode and then not once, but twice, stomp on Gurode's exposed head while wearing 3/4" cleats, wasn't "unsportsmanlike conduct." It was a criminal battery that should garner the immediate attention of the Nashville District Attorney.

However, no elected official will ever bring criminal charges against a hometown player who also played his college ball at the most popular university in the state: in Haynesworth's case the University of Tennessee.

Given that we are unlikely to see prosecution, what then should be done to Mr. Haynesworth?

One pimpish football writer suggested that the league should fine Albert all of $25,000, but NOT suspend him for any more games! Amazing. The message boards are calling for this guys head, including some Titan fans who think it's the only way to clear the team's good name.

Here's my read on the breakdown:

Dallas Fans: Lifetime ban from the league and loss of one testicle.
Tennessee Fans: One game suspension and five forced trips to the Grand Ol' Opry.
Others: One year suspension and Anger Management classes with Dr. Phil.

But I have a far better solution.

The league should fine Haynesworth $100,000 and suspend him for one game.

THEN...Tennessee coach Jeff Fisher should trade Haynesworth.

BUT...not just to any team.


What should Tennessee get in return?

A Bill Parcells autographed photo of the Dallas Cowboy Chearleaders, dinner for two at the Plano Marriott and a free pass to the Dallas Museum.

Oh yeah...just one more thing. Video of Haynesworth's first practice session with the Cowboys [rated NC-17 for extreme violence and abusive language].

You reep what you sow.

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